MOST LIKELY TO BREAK OUT INTO SONG AND DANCE: Sonia Kruger

The only reason I'm going to be semi-kind about this is because she comes from a dancing background, so the fact that she looks like she should be in A Chorus Line, smiling widely, tap-dancing her ass off with a cane as a dancing prop kind of suits her. If you didn't factor in that dark pink taffeta - and purple hat - she might have gotten away with it. But she doesn't.

MOST LIKELY TO HAVE GOTTEN SHOVED IN A ROSE BUSH BY RACHEL FINCH: LAURA DUNDOVIC

I'm going to come right out and say that I quite like the dress. I mean, it's not bad. I do love a spot and this one is rather elegant. However. That hat. I'm tossing up as to whether she looks more like the woman in the Cadbury Flake ad from the 70's, or the Queen's Mother, before she died. Those wide brimmed hats should only ever be worn with a swimsuit, otherwise you look like you should be graciously sipping tea in your best china out in the garden - in other words, it ages her.

MOST UNLIKELY, BUT WELL DRESSED TRIO

Love Olivia Newton-John, she looks amazing for her age, I just wish she'd lay off the collagen. Jennifer Hawkins wins Best Dressed all round - that peacock feather fascinator was a feat of creativity and engineering and I love how her dress is looser up top and extremely fitted on the lower half. Rebecca Twigley though, who normally trumps everyone at these events, is a little ... meh. Neither here nor there. Not good or bad. Pretty, yes, but pink with the black is a little harsh for my liking.

BEST DRESSED CROWD MEMBER

I don't know who this girl is, but how GREAT is her outfit?!! Not to mention her legs. Her whole persona - the headpiece, the dress, the stockings, the shoes, that pose and the smile on her face sums up how Australia feels about the Melbourne Cup. It's just so joyous. Love it!

MOST LIKELY TO RESEMBLE A BIRDS NEST: RACHEL FINCH

"After I (sniff, sniff) pushed Laura Dundovic into the rose bushes because what the hell is she doing here anyone, she's last year's Miss Australia (sniff) and I'm this year's Miss Australia (sniff, sniff), I kind of got stuck in the thorns (sob). They pulled and tugged at my hair (sob, sob) and my legs were sticking out but I couldn't get my bloody hair out and by the time I did, my hair was all teased and massive (waaaaaaaaaa)."

At least I hope that's her excuse.

MOST LIKELY TO LOOK LIKE SHE'S READING THE WEATHER: SARA GROEN

"I, like, wanted to be different, you know, so I, like, wore a skirt and top instead of a dress, and I thought, like, wow, this is genius, this is something Rachel Zoe would do for Eva Mendes! I'm really, like, onto something."

Mmm, no you're not Sara. You look like you're wearing your weather girl clothes with a headpiece.

MOST LIKELY TO TRUMP SARA GROEN: KATE WATERHOUSE

Now THIS is how you wear a top and skirt combo. Princess of the racing carnival, Kate Waterhouse has dissed her Derby Day blues and is back to spectacular form. See, you can only wear a skirt and top if one of them is an incredible piece, as Kate's blouse is. She looks elegant, stylish, chic and so very Melbourne Cup.

BEST DRESSED MALE: JAMES MATHEISON

He just looks comfortably cool and is clearly not afraid of busting a move. The kind of guy most girls like.

MOST LIKELY TO LOOK LIKE SHE SHOULD BE LINING UP TO GET INTO A CLUB: SOPHIE MONK

There's nothing about this outfit that spells races. Not even the headpiece. Sophie has clearly spent too long in LA where the motto is "less is best" and worn an inappropriate leopard print dress that has trashy-club-outfit, ex-friend-of-Paris-Hilton written all over it.

MOST LIKELY TO BE PAYING HOMAGE TO MICHAEL JACKSON: LEE FURLONG

There's something not quite right about wearing a coloured dress with black accessories. The accessories need a hint of lightness or other colour in them. The only time black shoes/hat/bag will work with a different coloured dress is if that dress is cream or white. So I love the dress Lee. Can't say the same about the hat. And wearing them together is just nuh-uh.

MOST LIKELY TO BE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: FIFI BOX

Whoopsie! Somebody's let Fifi go shopping for her own outfit! Again, like our other weather girl Sara Groen, Fifi has confused her work clothes with her races clothes. I'm going to be kind because I really like Fifi, and just say that double breasted skirt suits that scoot around the bust have no place in your life. Just ever.